Quality Time vs. Quantity of Time: What Do Our Kids Really Need?
Picture this familiar moment: you walk through the door after a busy day, greeted by your kids who can’t wait to see you. But, your laptop is calling too, with a few lingering emails you still need to send. You only have about an hour before bedtime. Do you try to do it all at once, or finish your work quickly so you can give them your undivided attention, even if it’s just for half an hour? It’s a common question for so many parents:
What’s the right way to spend that time?
As with most things in parenting, there really is no “right” way to do things. Every family is different, and within the same family, every day is different! However, an idea that we’ve been reflecting on as a team here at TPL is the importance of quality over quantity. Is it the quantity of time we spend with our children that matters most, or is the quality of that time spent more important?
Presence Over Perfection
While we sometimes wish we had unlimited time to fully focus on our children, the reality is that life doesn’t always allow for that. Demanding jobs, busy schedules, school commitments, and more all factor into our fast-paced lives that can make it difficult to carve out large chunks of time to spend together as a family, totally unplugged. We have good news. Research has shown that the quality of time spent with your children is far more important than focusing on quantity. In fact, there is something called the “10 Minute Miracle”, a concept promoted by child development experts and parenting psychologists. This concept offers that spending just 10 minutes of true quality time with your child, without distractions (phones out of the room, TV off, etc.), each day can significantly strengthen your bond with them and improve their sense of security and confidence. This active engagement and small, consistent doses of genuine connection can yield outsized benefits compared to the sheer number of minutes or hours you spend together. It can even improve behavior and cooperation.
We like to consider the mantra “presence over perfection”. True presence is the most important thing when it comes to spending quality time with our kids. The activities you’re engaging in matter much less than simply being fully present with your child. Taking the pressure off of yourself to ensure that the time spent is a certain amount of minutes, or looks a certain way, can make space for you to relax and enjoy, which your child will feel and benefit from!
Small and Daily
While we’ve discussed that quality should be considered as much as, or even more than, quantity when it comes to spending time with your child, it’s important to center on the idea of consistency. Being intentional about carving out those windows of uninterrupted and undistracted time is an important piece of the puzzle. It can be easy for life to take over, and suddenly it’s bedtime, and we’ve had our phone in hand since school pick-up (by the way - it’s ok if that happens, we are human!). However, designating a specific window of time when you know you can fully focus on your child and spending time with them is a great first step to ensuring that you’re getting in that quality time. Small and daily habits will add up to a wonderful routine that you can all count on.
Outside of this intentional time, try to remember to make space for those spontaneous moments of QT! When your kid asks if you can go outside to shoot hoops or play make-believe, consider whether you can put down what you’re doing, even for a few minutes, and go with it. Our children won’t remember if it was 10 minutes or 30, but they will remember the times you said an enthusiastic, “Yes!” Showing up consistently, and with love, is what truly counts.
Takeaways to Remember
At the end of the day, our kids don’t need us to be perfect; they just need us. Not the multitasking version, not the rushed version, but the version that’s willing to pause and truly connect. Those small, simple moments of presence, even just ten or fifteen minutes of genuine attention, can fill their cups in ways that hours of distracted time just can’t.
When we let go of the idea that there’s a “right” way to spend time with our children, we make room for what really matters: connection, laughter, curiosity, and love. Those bedtime giggles, car ride conversations, and spontaneous “yes” moments become the memories that stick. So as you go about your busy days, give yourself permission to slow down when you can.
It’s not about how much time you have, but how much of you shows up in that time.
